confession.

it was one of those weeks where every day felt like everything all at once. sort of a beautiful mess, really. it rained all week. i quit smoking. i’ll gloss over that one real fast, friends, because smoking, for me, has been quite the shameful self-loathing machine for the last many years and i would rather not go into the gory details. smoking felt like a big huge lie and i don’t much care for liars, so you might imagine the conundrum. i was a closet smoker. the whole deal was just gross. the carpenter smoked, too, and we’d had an april 1st plan set for quite some time… & we did it! april first seemed an auspicious time to stop fooling ourselves. i read this book, and it did help. easy…? no. there have been night sweats, nightmares, irritability, cravings, weirdo hormonal shifts, and tears, but these symptoms are all improving. acupuncture is helping. and so is all of the mounting evidence of feeling betterness, mentally and physically. i am so relieved to let it go, shame included. hi, freedom. nice to see you again.

and now there’s a bit of extra time in every day, too. time for the other stuff i’ve been putting off. like re-grouting my floor tiles, down on my hands and knees. la la la. back soon for show & tell. xoxo

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6 thoughts on “confession.

    • thanks, cathy. i hope you are doing okay. we need to go for a little hike or something one of these days. sending love to you and good wishes for your brother. xo

  1. Great work! I am a smoker too, I quit for an entire year and then inexplicably picked it up again. During the first few months of quitting I would take it one minute at a time, as in…I will not smoke a cigarette for the next 15 minutes and then I would do that 4 times an hour or sometimes in even smaller increments. Deciding not to smoke is a decision that you make every day and then eventually it gets easier. I am very happy for you, take it one minute at a time.

    • thanks, lady. it is getting easier, for sure. i know what you mean, i have quit and then picked it up again, too. for me i just know i can’t have even one, or i’m back on the slippery slope!

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