gaps.

typical phone call with the pops, at least twice per week, for the last several months:

him: hello?
me: hi, dad, it’s emily.
him: oh, hi emily!
me: how ya doing?
him: i’m really looking forward to going to maine this summer. i’m looking forward to seeing you. [then on and on about being excited about maine, ad nauseum.]

this morning’s phone call:

him: uh, hello… ?
me: hi dad, it’s emily.
him: oh, hi.
me: i bought my plane ticket. i’m coming to bring you to maine the first week of june.
him: i’m going to maine? well, nobody said anything about that.
me: oh, really? that’s strange. well, we’re going!
him: i’ll look forward to that, then. something to look forward to. maine.

i wonder what it’s like in there. i wonder how the gaps come, and why. i figure they must be important for something. i like to think the gaps are caretakers of some sort… soothers of loss, benefactors of a necessary denial. i hope i never find out for myself, but if it comes to that, i doubt i’ll mind. he doesn’t seem to, not anymore. he’s like a new person every day. in a way, i think we all are. newness suits us all quite nicely, if we just let it come.

xo

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